Father's Day

I lost my wonderful Dad about 7 years ago. He was an old-fashioned guy, very much in love with my Mom, Irish (who loved his martinis at 5) and, I think, a bit overwhelmed with a house filled with women (My Mom, me and my sister). He was a man who grew up with very strong women, having lost his father before he was 3 yrs. old and having a Mother who raised him, his older brother (who ended up a 4-Star General), 2 older sisters and the baby (my Godfather, Eddie - born less than a year before their father died). He was born, lived and died in Nutley, NJ and gave a lot of who he was to his hometown in service as Town Treasurer and assorted other roles.My and My Dad 1983

He found a replacement Dad in Charles Nabor, my Grandfather (my Mom's Dad), who he met in Drum Corp, after he came back from military service (in Hawaii - the only place my Dad ever lived besides Nutley). It was through my Grandfather at one of the Cabelaros' competitions, that he met my Mother, Dorothy Jane Nabor.

My Dad once told me he fell in love with my Mother at first sight - in fact, he proposed on their second date. My mom promptly stopped seeing him for almost a year after that. Dad won out in the end. He was 40 when he got married (Mom was 35) and I was born 2 1/2 years later (my sister 18 mos. after that). We definitely had the oldest parents in our class, but I think it made us much more independent.

Dad died from complications of a series of strokes he had suffered for about a decade. He died on a day that I was going to see him and I believe that he did that on purpose. Every time I'd see him, before I left, I'd make him promise to hold on - for another visit, to see my sister's 2nd child born, to just hold on. I think he just didn't want to make any more promises.

The day of my Dad's funeral, wind chimes rang outside my window. I couldn't find them, neither could my landlords (they were so loud they woke everyone up). I still hear them, mostly when I need to. And I take it for what it is, Dad touching base and letting me know that he's there. 

And I still miss him.


History Lesson

My Charm BraceletI've been cleaning out my apartment - getting rid of a huge amount of stuff - and I found something. I'm not a particularly sentimental person - okay, maybe about some things - definitely not a lot about my personal history. I don't dwell, I don't romanticize, I just like to move ahead. And it's easy for me to put stuff aside - it's things - whether it's external or internal. And it's not that I had a bad childhood - I was loved and cared for, with a liberal side of dysfunction, just like most people.

But things seem to be surfacing on their own lately. My 43-year old cousin is unexpectedly pregnant for the first time, and it's brought us closer. My niece is asking questions about the Grandparents she never knew. A family that used to fill our house to bursting with all of aunts, uncles and cousins (we're fiercely Irish) has been distilled to less than 10 who speak on any regular basis.

And I found this. A charm bracelet that my Mom lovingly added to at every holiday and milestone. After my parents died and we sold the (really very charming) house, many things got lost or went missing. This was one of the items (my sister, who wore hers everyday, lost it during her own wedding reception. She was inconsolable. It was an omen.). I hadn't really thought about it in years, until I was going through some boxes before I sent things to the trash, and there it was. And a lot of stuff came flooding back.

I am the firstborn child of two public servants - my Dad was our (Nutley, NJ's) Town Treasurer and my Mom was the Assistant to the Mayor, who also for a time was the President of the NJ State Senate. He also grew up and went to Catholic school with my Dad. My sister and I grew up knowing that you had to work hard, that you didn't give up until things were done. We both went to Rutgers (NJ's State University, which we had loans to help pay for) and jobs each summer that allowed us to have money to travel or for play money during the year. They gave us a lot and set expectations about how to achieve the rest. They didn't really teach us a lot about money, but they did instill in both of us a very strong work ethic.

One night last week, I was working on a live event for a client. During the downtime, much of the conversation turned to parenting (as a single girl, not something I can contribute to in any meaningful way). It occurred to me that I was surrounded by wonderful people who were able to send their kids to private schools in NYC and great colleges. Again not a subject I can add to significantly. But I suddenly felt a wave of pride for who my parents were and what they did for us. I didn't feel disadvantaged, but really, very lucky of what I was given. And this bracelet, found at the right time, is a wonderful reminder of exactly that.

BTW - one of the most amazing pieces of writing I've ever read on someone's personal history was this. It's stayed with me for months.



Getting Things In Line

Getting organized and getting some things in line to begin one of the projects. I'm borrowing an HD video camera (Panasonic - a client) from Greg Verdino, so I can concentrate on this video project that will be a big focus in the next couple of months.I'm also considering putting up some polls on some articles I'm writing to see what people might really be interested in. Again - no promises, we'll see where things go.

Looking to put up an intro video in the next week about the video project - something quick. I'm looking to really work with a number of editing tools on the actual project - something that I'll be experimenting with for the first time.


New Direction, No Map

Yep - just what you were looking for - another blog. From me. And it's not like I'm posting so much on my other blogs that I need a new place to share.

This one is different - this is mostly for me.

I'm going through a ton of changes in my life right now - mostly good, some strange, others...meh, and also getting a lot of great opportunities. Which is really, really exciting and has also set me off in a creative space that I haven't been for a long time. So I had a few ideas for some interesting personal projects and thought I'd mix them in with some of the more exciting opportunities to come my way. All documented here when I feel like it.

No promises. No promises on finishing what I'm starting. No promises in sharing final versions. No promises.

This is for me (and hopefully, for fun).

BTW - New Direction, No Map also has been inspired (in part, but A LOT!) by Melissa Pierce and her "Life in Perpetual Beta" project - which is really incredible and you should (RIGHT NOW!) go, watch as much as you can and contribute. She's pretty amazing and I think had a ton to do with me being able to play like this. Thanks Melissa.